Seems my stories have mostly revolved around the potty. I only wish it were potty humor. Like Paul Simon says, "I don't find this stuff amusing anymore." No, my triumph over the toilet was short lived. Remember how there was standing water, or, rather, "liquid?" I was no longer feeling like a very handy man at all. Our hallway and bedroom carpets were splashy with toilet water, and not the good smelling kind. So we had to stop all water usage and call Rick. Remember Rick? My step dad who can do anything? He wants us to get the "Luggable Loos" from the barn. Nah, I just take my wife and daughters to WM to use the potty. We boys can just go outside. Hopefully anything more serious can wait until things have been fixed. Rick also wants me to get the shop vac and start sucking water out of the carpets. More internal groans. Anyway, by the time we realized what was going on it was after 11:00pm. So Iris (my mom) starts calling plumbers, at our request, to see if anyone can come out to the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night to clear our septic line. Call after call results in nothing. Finally, a company says they'll come in the morning so we go to get a little sleep. About 10:00 am, a plumber from Aurora shows up. He has an Australian accent which automatically makes him seem like more of a man than me, like Steve Irwin or Crocodile Dundee. He seems like a good "bloke" anyway, though. I'm not sure that this fits my narrow definition of irony, but one of the ironies of the situation is that he had to tear down my toilet triumph. He had to pull the toilet to snake the drain! Oh well. Pride and self respect don't work too well on me anyway. He fed out about 50 feet of snake (which is a pretty handy tool, I must say) and then hit the blockage. He was able to clear the drain, replace the wax ring, and re-place the toilet in about 1/3 of the time it took me to do it a week prior. The cool thing is that to drive out to the middle of nowhere, work for an hour on a pretty nasty job they only charged $88. I don't know how that could be possible. I would think that after gas, travel time, parts and labor, they'd be lucky to break even on this deal. As much as I wish that I was handier around the house, I don't mind saying that this guy was like an angel. An angelic plumber. Imagine that.
-Mr. Wilkerson
Post Script: Upon reflection, I do not think my usage of irony fits. Tragedy is perhaps a better word here.
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